Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Meanwhile In America

You know what I’m tired of seeing?

“Meanwhile in America” shit. Seriously. I’ve seen stereotyping and these are just… well… wrong!

These pics, posts, and directionless meanderings imply that America is full of fat (super fat, I’m talking makes the news, tear out a wall and remove with a forklift, fat) people that can’t pay the rent, and gang bangers. I’ll readily admit that we’ve got our fair share, but come on.

I've been watching as America haters post shit that implies that Americans hate EVERYBODY. And many of them are Americans!

This post is intended t show that we don't.

1. Americans call themselves "Americans" because "United States of Americans" or "United Statesians" sounds really weird. Besides... it was a name given, not assumed. Please o' please re-read this before googling it and then not understanding it and then flaming me like an ignorant shit. Come ON.. U.S. people are Americans. We called shotgun.

2. When the last great naming of nations happened... people were naming their countries like pets. In the USA, pet names were reserved for the individual states. The word "state" started to mean "part of a whole" and the "rest of the world" meant "democracy coming soon".

3. People in North America wanted a piece of that. Canadians stuck with the Mother Country and Mexico kicked ass. Deal with it. Both are now two of the largest democracies in the world.

4. The U.S. went to war, often, not only to further its own ends, but also to make democracy common and possible.

5. We weren't always successful, and it wasn't for altruistic reasons.

6. The U.S. is not perfect. no one in their right mind would ever call it so. It is a conglomeration of some of the greatest minds this era has ever know. But perfect? No.

7. I'm thinking of a pile of "not perfect" right now.

8.  As a matter of fact, we've had a "pile of perfect" in both the Legislative branch and the Executive branch since 1960.

9. If you haven't figured it out yet, by putting it in "quotes" I'm implying an ironic definition.

10. Message to you Non-Americans... do better... be better... show us how it's supposed to be done. Can't? Well, there you go.

11.  You mean you did? But nobody noticed or cared? Huh. How about that. I think I saw a soccer ball...

And there you go. A perfectly proportioned eleven point list. I had one more, but that would have ruined the symmetry.

Would you believe this is NOT served in the U.S.?


  1. Awesome post. I'm so tired of all the generalizations that I have to hear about my American neighbours. Keep in mind these are (how is this for a sweeping statement?) the same people who have hard and fast rules of what men and women are like too.

  2. You said it Dinner... hard and fast rules. Absolutes are the fastest way to make enemies. Or at least hater comments on the internet.