Also could be titled: How Unlimited Texting Can Save Your Marriage.
Stephanie: Can u take the girls and get the van washed, coupon expires today should be on dry erase board
Me: Damn, it's hot out here.
Me: Bubbles carwarsh is closed.
Me: There's a new PetCo over here.
Stephanie: Yes meant to tell u that
Notice how "Me" uses punctuation? Yeah... just pointing that out.
Me: So I drove to Katy. This one is not an Express. Even though it said it was one on google maps.
Stephanie: What? When did that happen?
Me: Well, that only took an hour and 30 miles. Still have coupon and a dirty car.
Stephanie: Lol u didn't have to go to katy we could just let it expire honey
Editor's note: Right. Yeah. Just let it expire... Right.
Me: Z is signed up for soccer. Took almost as long as it did to not find an open Bubbles Carwash Express.
Stephanie: Lol good where?
It only now ocurs to me that she might have assumed I was talking about the carwash.
Me: FFPs games will be at Westside High.
It's 5:22 pm just wanna know when she's coming home. No answer. And this is what happens when I get ignored.
Me: Sara's already drunk screaming "Woo hoo! Three day weekend!" She's topless too. Zoey is doing lines on a Hello Kitty mirror. She's being safe though! No razor blade. Using a toothbrush.
Me: Dinner is animal cookies and clif bars.
Stephanie: Sweet, literally
Me: Oh. My. Glob! Strippers just showed up! Kinky. Dressed like cops.
Me: Not strippers.
Me: I started to suspect when I tried slipping a $20 into her bra. Thought it weird she was wearing a kevlar vest.
Me: Help! I'm hiding in the neighbors bushes. Shhh! Call 911! I'm being stalked by two gun toting lesbians wearing all blue. They got batman belts too!
Stephanie: Did u drink all my vodka again
Me: Z is so sweet! She just ran outside and yelled, "He went that way!" Pointing in the opposite direction of where I am.
Me: Sara just tackled and throat punched the bitch that stole my $20!
Me: I need a disguise.
Stephanie: Just emailed you one
Me: Yes! Hurry too! I'll be the inconspicuous naked guy behind Walmart. Ignore all these conspicuous bastards.
Me: Z & S have each respectfully submitted a request for vampire teeth. Jut putting that out there.
Me: I'm sure CPS will allow them.
Me: Sweet! Pretty blue helicopters!
Stephanie: U r nuts
Me: They can't see me if I don't move. Saw that in a documentary.
Stephanie: Send the slaves out please.
And that last one meant she was home.
See? Perfectly sane interaction between married people. Married to each other, that is. I talk to married people all the time and let's face it, those conversations are boring.