Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Refinance Loans Suck

My head right now
"Getting a refinance loan for your home doesn't have to be hard."

Yes it does.

Why on earth does it cost so much to get a refinance loan when I have to do so much research and document finding?

So far all my loan officer has done is send me a shit-ton of paper work asking for redundant information and signatures. Oh! He also called an appraiser.

Title companies. At first I had thought that these people were the biggest thieves in the real estate business. But now that I've had time to cool off a bit and see what they do and the legal burden they bear, I can see their need. Their prices are directly reflected by the fact that the light fixtures in their offices cost more than my car.

I was in one title company's main office down in Sugar Land one day. Apparently their owner is a huge fan of big game hunting. He had enormous dead creatures all over the place. He prefers the African varieties. In their main conference room was a zebra and a freakin' huge motorcycle that I thought was a display. Lady said nope, it's just where he likes to park it. Right.

I think they dealt exclusively in the oil & gas business.

Today I'm dealing with a more mundane title company that does residential properties. They're nice and professional and everything. They skipped past most the bullshit I was expecting, so I started liking them. And then today I get the call that they need to order a document from my home owners association. This document basically says we've been paying our dues on time.

That's it.

I'm like. Fine here's my credit card, go ahead.

Then the lady at the title company calls me back saying, "Oops! Turns out that document isn't $45. My bad. It's a $105. And it takes two weeks to get."

Ten business days to generate a document. The one document that is now holding up the closing for our loan. Get this:

"They can get it to us tomorrow for an extra $100."


There's a word for that, isn't there?

Hey pal, I got what you need right here. Yeah, it's kinda expensive but who else is gonna get it for ya? Huh? That's right. Nobody. Pay me now, I'll have it to you maybe two weeks. What? You want it sooner? Well, now. That's gonna cost you!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


I hate lists.

They are tiny little ultimatums that sneer and snarl at me all the time.

When I left home for college I heard this phrase about once a week: "Make a list!"

Thanks Mom. Yeah. I know what I need to do. I'm pretty sure I can find things to eat. Right! Bank, gotta go there. It's 1993. I'm going to the bank. Every week.

Both a chore and a pleasure. That is until "DIRECT DEPOSIT" was invented. No. More. Bank. Hells yeah.

So anyway, my wife is a list maker. Always has been. Me, my lists tend to be wish lists.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The Lone Ranger!

I wrote a movie review! Woo hoo!

You can find it here, where I occasionally guest post because the lady that runs that blog has seen me naked and figures I owe her recompense.

Or something like that.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Craig's List Is KILLING ME!

Oh holy crap snacks.

I've spent the last couple days on Craig's List just cruising around, looking around, seeing what the deals are and where. As I live in the Houston market, they are scattered everywhere.

My favorite section is the FREE section.

I'm laughing right now... hold please.

This is the section you visit for listings on free dirt... there is always free dirt...[1]

Free boxes... the odd thing here is that there are ads for people looking for boxes... that they can't find each other is kinda hilarious in and of itself.

Of course there's all kinds of free crap, free dogs of unknown origin, a finger monkey...

A finger monkey. A FINGER MONKEY.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Yes... This Post Has Tomatoes

First things first.[1] The light in the oven went out about 20 minutes after we installed the oven. This was like 8 years ago or so. I've never really thought having a light in the oven was a big deal, so never replaced it.

Last night the light bulb in Sara's Hello Kitty lamp went *pop* and Stephanie went to the light bulb stash[2] to find a replacement. She chose the package that had a bulb that looked like the one she was replacing.

Stephanie: "Huh. Package says it's an appliance bulb."

Me: "Ovens too?"

Stephanie: "Refrigerators and ovens."

Me: "Sweet. Guess I'll change the bulb then."

She proceeded to choose another bulb and I proceeded to turn changing an oven light bulb into a challenge. As about 2.6% of you might already know, these bulbs are protected by a thick chunk of glass held in place by the most high tech means possible.

It's a wire clip that not only pops off pretty easy, but also comes completely off falling into the racks below. The glass chunk then can fall completely unsupported on to the light bulb itself tearing the bulb from it's screw piece and shattering it into a dozen pieces. I can only assume it's designed to to do this as that is what happened to me.

Well, the filament and mount were still solidly connected to the bottom of the bulb so I thought to just use that to unscrew it.[3] FYI folks, ovens are designed for the light to turn on when the door opens. Now I needed tools...

Anyhow, the bulb got changed, there were no injuries, and I didn't feel like it so I still need to vacuum the oven.

On to the REAL post!

My wife told me I was ready to graduate to the next level of couponing. I had promised her about 6 years ago I'd start helping and she called me on it Tuesday.

My journey was to take me to Dollar General, Target and Walgreens.[4]

At Dollar General I was on a recon mission. I can do recon.

Stephanie: "Find the Head & Shoulders. If they have the 8-ish oz., take pictures, buy two. Use the coupon."

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

And It's Only June

We still got July & August to go.
Yay! Summer VAY-CAY!


See this pic to the left? Yeah, says it's 92ºF outside. That's the air temp folks. The RealFeel? That's the heat index. Yup, over 100º. You think it's only 100º though?

Try walking barefoot on the sidewalk.

Yeah, the temp coming off the street can melt your souls.

Soles, I mean. Shoe bottoms. Whatever.

It's hot and only going to get hotter. Last year we had like 565 days in a row of over 100 degree heat index. It sucked.

Today I picked up the girls from their gymnastics summer camp. This place is pretty awesome, which is why we keep going back. This year they installed A/C in the gym. Things just keep getting better!

Heads up folks, Sara wants her birthday at Iron Cross Gymnastics[1] again this year. Some of you will be invited. You know who you are. Some of you won't. Sara says you can just drop off your gifts for her at the door.

Monday, June 17, 2013

No Trust

Today was the first day of gymnastics camp for the girls. After dropping them off I stopped by Ye Olde TSO to pick up my new glasses and Stephanie's contacts.

The day passed way too quickly.

And then it was time to pick the girls back up. When I got them seated and all buckled up Zoey notices a little white bag in the passenger seat.

Zoey: "What's that?"

Me: "Mom's contacts. See, I'm wearing new glasses too!"

Zoey: "Hm."[1]

As soon as we get home she jumps out of her seat and opens the bag to find.... Mom's contacts. Two boxes.