Thursday, June 20, 2013

Yes... This Post Has Tomatoes

First things first.[1] The light in the oven went out about 20 minutes after we installed the oven. This was like 8 years ago or so. I've never really thought having a light in the oven was a big deal, so never replaced it.

Last night the light bulb in Sara's Hello Kitty lamp went *pop* and Stephanie went to the light bulb stash[2] to find a replacement. She chose the package that had a bulb that looked like the one she was replacing.

Stephanie: "Huh. Package says it's an appliance bulb."

Me: "Ovens too?"

Stephanie: "Refrigerators and ovens."

Me: "Sweet. Guess I'll change the bulb then."

She proceeded to choose another bulb and I proceeded to turn changing an oven light bulb into a challenge. As about 2.6% of you might already know, these bulbs are protected by a thick chunk of glass held in place by the most high tech means possible.

It's a wire clip that not only pops off pretty easy, but also comes completely off falling into the racks below. The glass chunk then can fall completely unsupported on to the light bulb itself tearing the bulb from it's screw piece and shattering it into a dozen pieces. I can only assume it's designed to to do this as that is what happened to me.

Well, the filament and mount were still solidly connected to the bottom of the bulb so I thought to just use that to unscrew it.[3] FYI folks, ovens are designed for the light to turn on when the door opens. Now I needed tools...

Anyhow, the bulb got changed, there were no injuries, and I didn't feel like it so I still need to vacuum the oven.

On to the REAL post!

My wife told me I was ready to graduate to the next level of couponing. I had promised her about 6 years ago I'd start helping and she called me on it Tuesday.

My journey was to take me to Dollar General, Target and Walgreens.[4]

At Dollar General I was on a recon mission. I can do recon.

Stephanie: "Find the Head & Shoulders. If they have the 8-ish oz., take pictures, buy two. Use the coupon."

The coupon was good for $5 off when you buy any two Head & Shoulder products.

  1. Dollar General is organized like my closet. Shit is everywhere.

  2. There was a middle aged lady wearing her mom's clothes from the mid-80's totally singing and shaking that other thing her momma gave her to Girls Just Want To Have Fun that was playing over the state of the art sound system Dollar Generals everywhere are famous for.[5]

  3. The only H&S they had were 14.2 oz for $5 each. Recon was a bust.

On to Target!

I was to buy two boxes of cat litter (not to be confused with cat litter boxes) and two Yes To Cucumber.

My text to Stephanie from Target: "Ok. Call me. I'm at target with no memory of what you told me this morning."

She called me and repeated herself very patiently.

Stephanie: "You got that? Do you need me to stay on for moral support?"

Me: "Nope! I got it! Thanks."

My next text to Stephanie: "Ok. I'm lost. What is yes to cucumbers?"

Stephanie that morning had actually told me everything I needed to know in order to do this, but it was morning. I had not yet had coffee or a shower. It was like listening to Charlie Brown's teacher. All I could say was, "Yup. Got it. No problem."

Target had an advertised deal where if you bought two qualifying purchases of Yes To Cucumber products you'd get a $5 Target gift card. The face masks were $1.97 each. So, for the effort of buying a couple face masks you'd actually earn a dollar.

Well, they were out of cucumbers. But they had Yes To Tomatoes and the shelf tag actually said if you bought two, you'd get the gift card. Well, I'm here to tell you, "No they won't."

The girl rang up the litter. Check. The girl rang up the tomatoes. No gift card. I mentioned it to her and she called her manager. She was so soft spoken it took quite an effort to make the manager understand she needed help. So I stood there as stoic as I could.

Her manager finally managed to break away from the Starbucks counter to find out what we needed. She scanned the tomato face mask and sure enough, the info button showed I was to get a gift card. Then she had to go check the shelf. Now, this Target is the size of a small country but the beauty stuff was actually really really close. She took forrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to get whatver information she needed. The checker girl started getting uncomfortable.

Checker Girl: "You see the game last night?"

Me: "Nope. I was pretty sure the Spurs had it in the bag based on their last game."

CG: "Lost in overtime!"

Me: "Well now."[6]

The manager finally came back this time with not only another tomato face mask but some other tomato beauty product that cost more the $5. Boom. You get the card.

Manager: "I guess you need to get two different qualifying products."

Me: *sigh* "No thanks. I just wanted a dollar."

And then her register ran out of tape and she didn't know how to put in a new roll.

CG: "Help... Somebody... Deena... How does this go in?" Remember that lady in Policy Academy? Yeah. Her.

This was just Target! On to Walgreens!

This time I was on the phone with Stephanie for nearly the whole time.

I was to buy flaxseed because I had coupons. Found 'em! Even the though the shelf tag said they were one price they were actually cheaper. She said, "Trust me."

I've got this $10 off your next purchase which left me with about $4.00 to spend. She said, "Get something you need."

I wandered around the store and found they didn't have one damn thing I needed. To be honest, I don't need flaxseed. Stephanie suggested getting more Duck Tape. We have over twenty rolls[7] so.... why not?

I can't find the duct tape. I'm roaming up and down every aisle while she's on the phone saying, "You just haven't found it. It's there by the poster board."

Me: "I can't find the poster board."

Her: "You are on the wrong aisle. It's there."

Me: "I've been up and down every aisle! It's not here!"

Her: "Yes it is."

Me: "No it's not!"

Her: *sigh* "Yes. It is."

Me: *Grrrr* "No. It's. Not."

Her: "Take a picture of every aisle." She wanted me to prove it.

Me: "No." I found the poster board and duct tape.

After wandering the aisles looking for hand soaps, bread and whatever else I ended up buying the two bags of flaxseed, three bars of weird soap, and a bag of Chester's Hot Fries. Cost me exactly $0.05 at the end of the transaction. I gotta admit, that was kinda satisfying. In my mind I just paid a nickel for Hot Fries!

I also went to Staples and was supposed to pick up an ad at Sav-A-Lot. The Sav-A-Lot was not a Sav-A-Lot it was an El Ahorro. Which, I discovered once I got home, is a Sav-A-Lot. Not sure how that works, but I didn't get the ad.

Then I took a nap.[8]


  1. So jealous. Our couponing in Canada is nothing like what you have in the States. We get excited if there's $0.50 off in the flyers... if you're lucky it's for Nutella.

    Also, I have never heard of Yes to Cucumber... sounds like veggies are asking you on a date--and now my brain has gone to that indecent place again. Whoops...

    1. My mind went to the same place when I noticed that their supply of the cucumber varieties had been depleted. My thoughts exactly were, "Wow. Chicks really dig the cucumbers."