Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm Gross

I take the girls to school every morning. About once a week I find that I have been remiss in trimming my finger nails and take the opportunity afforded me at one of Houston’s infinite red lights to give myself a little trim.

One morning I’m tossing the clippings out the window and Zoey says:

“You’re littering.”

Now hold on a second….

I explain that finger nails are not litter. They turn to compost and eventually soil that is good for the environment. Unlike the soda bottles, red bull cans and various plastic bags we often see. I thought it was a nice save.

“Well. You shouldn’t do it anyway.” Indignant. Yeah, that’s what she was.


She proceeded to give a disjointed argument against the tossing of fingernails out the window for about 10 minutes. I really couldn’t make sense of it. Something about garbage and compost don’t belong on roads.

I responded with an intelligent and well thought out question.


“You shouldn’t do it.”

“Why, again?”

“It’s just gross.”

Ah. The point.

A Response to Charlie Sheen

I saw somewhere on the internet where Charlie Sheen said, “Shame on you,”.

And I thought, “Wha?”

I looked into it further (really, it took like 15 seconds; research using the internet is EASY) and here is what he actually is quoted as having said (see what I did there?):

“By the way, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt's about burned to the ground. All you people care about is my bullshit... Pathetic. Shame, shame, shame.”


First of all, he’s right. Shame on the press, the public, and us in general for paying his life any attention when weighed against the plight of those in need of freedom. Secondly, I’d like to say, it’s hard to ignore Charlie Sheen.

I grew up with movies about Vietnam. I grew up watching M*A*S*H. A-Team. Red Dawn. Chuck Norris! Van Dam. Us vs. Them. U.S.A. vs. Nazis, Commies, Drug Lords, and Evil Doers in every shape, size, sex, and breast size.

I daresay, we’ve been numbed by it all.

I was in high school for Gulf War 1. I was watching CNN when the second tower was hit. I participated in the evacuation of downtown Houston 30 minutes later.

I smiled and said hello at the National Guard soldier holding an empty M16 at the IAH airport. I muttered a thank you to the money changer in Sydney when he expressed his sincerities while I vacationed in Australia in 2001.

Left and right we all see on the news how life is hard around the world for freedom and democracy. Freedom and democracy. It’s become and increasingly difficult problem to deal with as despots in those countries control how much I pay for gas at the pump. My balls are in there hands. So to speak.

Listen to the radio. Watch the news. Enjoy the fanatics on FOX or the cynics on CNN, you all see the same thing. Death. Mayhem. Oppression. Children dying.

Charlie, I’ve got news for you.

You’ve become a distraction. Many already know you’ve had your issues in the past. By now you’ve become a household name, you are more than just a TV show, you are a force. You might call it Tiger Blood or Adonis DNA; but I call it “Narcissism mixed with confidence.”

So, going forward, when I see your name immediately followed with “found with” or “arrested for” or especially “is looking for another goddess” I’ll probably stop and rubber neck for a few moments, shake my head, and move on.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Can't Wait for Summer

For nearly my entire life I have always loved winter. Even after we moved to Texas, where winter is terribly short, I loved winter. I loved the short days. Every day started early and ended early. Chilly nights, cold mornings, snug as a bug in a rug. Night time was good time. I loved the night sky and even memorized the winter constellations.

No pollen.

Then I started growing things. Grass. I have a yard. Two actually. A “front” yard and a “back” yard. Both have grass. The front yard pretty much goes ignored all year. It has plenty of sun. The neighbors water their yards so prodigiously it’s rare I’ve got to set out the water sprinkler.

The back yard, on the other hand, has become a bit of a project. I’m into my 4th year of gardening. I’ve managed to build 3 raised beds and a mound of odd compost. I’ve laid sod TWICE in as many years now and have only had moderate success. I’m already planning year 3 of sod… sodding.

Looks great until it rains for 10 days straight.

I realized, quite suddenly, just a few hours ago; not only do I have a tendency to use too many commas in a run-on sentence, but I was looking forward to Spring. I planted my garden. I spent hours weeding my lawn and cleaning the mulch beds. Which all, by the way, led to the mound of compost. And now I can’t wait for it all to GROW.

I checked my calendar and apparently I’m due for a midlife crisis. Average life span of an American male and all I’m right at MID. As in halfway there. As many years ahead as behind. Sports cars, booze, and all that “stuff”.

I have apparently bypassed that and have gone straight to “old fogey”. I want to see pretty flowers in my beds. I want to see tomatoes, squash, cucumbers and onions blooming.

I’m going to grow hops this year.

I’m impatient to see a green lawn and leaves on the trees. I actually hate that the medians on the roads have better looking yards than mine. Every day I come home my crepe myrtal looks accusingly at me, “what have you done to me!!?”

If my deed restrictions allowed it, I’d have chickens. In a coop. I do like eggs.

It’s only March 2, and I want things to grow.

And then there’s SUMMER!

All winter my girls have been pretending its summer. They dress-up in the bathing suits and pretend to swim.

They had even, at one point, turned the entire living room into a swimming pool. I had to walk around it. NO RUNNING!

So there it is. While there are plenty of things I hate about summer (110ยบ for ten days straight, electric bills, sweat, sun burns… I could go on) I love happy children and growing things.