Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Why Do Car Dealers Do This?

Come... look inside... yeah... that's it... just a little closer...
They've got a dozen or so cars out front with their hoods wide open like hippos yawning.

As a child I had always assumed that was so that browsing men could observe and assess the engine because all men were supposed to know what a fine looking engine looked like.

But now that I am a full grown man, and one that has spent more than a few passing moments pulling apart engine parts and putting them back together, if I were to look inside a gaping Camero I quite honestly would't get anything out of it.

I'd be like... so.... that's how the hood opens. Huh.

So, the only conclusion I can think of is that it gives the rookie salesmen something to do at the beginning and end of the day. It's sure to be extremely important. Particularly on rainy days.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

And Just Where Have I Been?

It's not like I've been ignoring you. I just haven't felt like blogging.

The fact that I broke my computer really didn't help either.

Sad face is sad.

In either case here I am back at the keyboard.

Today there really isn't much on my mind. Except Santa Claus.

He is such a whore.

Seriously. Have you seen him around? The man sells everything. I see him outside the Citgo everyday now twirling a sign for whatever the hell he sells there.

He's on TV selling Mercedes. And Chevy trucks. And jewelry. And toys and beer and signature blend coffees. He's on the streets selling massages, payday advances, furniture and puppies.

He's been selling Coca-Cola for what? 70+ years now?

Who me? Judge? I saw you selling puppies.
And it all started before Halloween. I started getting mad when retailers thought they needed to start selling Christmas before Thanksgiving. Who wants to hear Dolly Parton crow on mercilessly about a hard candy Christmas while picking up endless supplies for their Thanksgiving dinner?

And now, while yer out shopping for a giant bag of Tootsie rolls, you can purchase fake snow, garden gnome elves, and prancing reindeer frozen in their frolicked state. They are across the aisle from zombie babies, giant wiggly spiders, and other random gimmicky crap.

It still surprises me when somebody says they don't understand how people get so depressed during the holidays.

I'm sure the docs prescribing Zoloft know.

It was this or zombie babies.