Monday, January 16, 2012

What's In A Word?

Of course it's not.

Well, I’ll tell ya.

A lot.

I know what you’re thinkin’. I’m about to go off on profanity laced rant about profanity. Well, I’m not. I think. I’m kinda just typing as I go.

All while watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Thank you USA!

The network. Not the country. Although it was made in the US. I think. Oh hell, I don’t care.

All franchise films need a Temple of Doom. Terminator: And The Temple of Doom. Lord of the Rings: And the Temple of Doom. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: And the Temple of Doom. It all makes sense.

Back to the point. What’s in a word?

I have two words I’d like to talk about right now.

#1: THE

That’s right. The word “the”. Here’s why it’s so important.

You meet somebody at a party. You’re getting drunk. No, wait, you’re getting hammered. You meet Jay Leno. Hold on… Jay Leno? THE Jay Leno? No? Just Jay Eustace Leno. Yes, he is Jay Leno. Just not THE Jay Leno.

See how “the” works? Even when hammered, you know the difference between Jay Leno and THE Jay Leno. I am SO sorry THE Jay Leno.

Actually… no I’m not. If I met you at a party, I’d probably be getting hammered and asking you if you were “the” Jay Leno. Over and over. My memory ain’t so good when I’ve been drinking. Actually, it ain’t so good when I haven’t which may account for why I yammer on constantly about things I’ve already talked about when I’ve been drinking. Or so I’m told.

Let’s involve profanity now. I’m going to use the word “shit”. Not really a bad word. Really.

“Wow, Honey. Your cooking is shit.” Not a nice thing to say.

“Wow, Honey. Your cooking is the shit.” Nice thing to say.

I have seen exactly two movies with Kate Capshaw in it. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Space Camp. That’s it.

I get distracted easily.

Heh. Her character’s name in Doom is Wille. Heh.

#2: DRINKING (I know what you’re thinking and shut up.)

Talk about a powerful word. More powerful than “the”. Seriously.

If I said, “I’ve been drinking a lot lately.” The implication is that I’ve been hitting the bottle. And those of you who know me might assume that I’m becoming an alcoholic. I’m a homebrewer, so it’s pretty rare that I’m out of beer. And I likes the whisky. Mmmm, whiskey.

The simple truth is I’m drinking a lot of Crystal Light. Stephanie bought 900 single packets and I’m going through them like Halloween candy. So, I’m drinking a lot lately. Of water. Lotsa water. Flavored with Crystal Light. I think the marketing term is “enhanced”.

Someone says: “I quit drinking.” Obviously they mean they quit drinking alcohol. If they quit drinking EVERYTHING they’d die. Even if it was Crystal Light. Why would anyone quit drinking Crystal Light? I ask you.

How many roller coasters were based on the mine car chase in Doom? I wonder. Probably a bunch. Six Flags had a ride, as I recall. It was better if you had been drinking.

Then it was the shit.

She quit drinking. Obviously.


  1. Like you go on rollercoaster unless 1. I trick you 2. you are so drunk I am dragging you on them and you think you are in the beer line
    BTW, I still defend my position, The Tower of Terror is in FACT NOT a roller coaster, and as you said, what is in a word? Guess you asked the wrong question THAT time :P

  2. You have obviously never ridden the Mine Train at Six Flags.

  3. Right, because when you put emphasis on something it becomes different.

    I just can't seem to make words into sentences to make a story so a lot of thinking about words and stories is what's in a word.

    Good to see you too by the way.. I realize I don't come by often enough and hopefully I will whenever you pop up on my radar as having a new blog post out.

    Toodles! (Nooo not Mickey's tools on Disney.)

  4. I liked this post a lot. Mainly because while reading it I have used the word the, and also because I am drinking beer.

    But dude? Do NOT drink Crystal Light. That is like drinking dissolved plastic and seriously? That shit will actually turn boy frogs into girl frogs and then there is nothing any princess can do to turn them human.