I was up and awake this morning to catch the final descent of the Space Shuttle. Ok, it wasn’t specifically to catch the Shuttle landing, but I was up. As I read my twitter feed and news feed and all things Shuttle related I began to have a bit of an argument with myself.
I do that when I’m up at 5 am.
As I was following Neil deGrasse Tyson’s 900 twitters (he doesn’t know how to stop without saying, “I’m stopping now”), I started to develop an antagonistic attitude toward those short viewed, shallow thinking, self-serving, self-righteous, anti-education, keep-the-people-ignorant, people who run our country and the assholes who decided to shut down the shuttle program.
That’s actually how the argument started. When talking to people and opposing views come up, I always choose devil’s advocate. That is because if I agree with the person I’m talking to, it really isn’t any fun. It gets really weird when that person is me.
So here’s how it went down:
Me: “This is so wrong. I absolutely hate those (see above) people that shut down the shuttle program.”
Devil’s Advocate: “Why?”
Me: “They shut down the shuttle program! Haven’t you been paying attention?”
DA: “Not really. No. Why is shutting down the shuttle program a bad thing?” Notice how DA does not CAPITALIZE the word Shuttle? Disrespectful jerk.
Me: “Dude. The Shuttle has been the backbone of the US space program for 30 years. Now we’re backboneless.”
DA: “You mean they are shutting NASA down?”
Me: “Well, no. They still do stuff.”
DA: “What, exactly? Do you even know?”
Me: “They’re working on important stuff! Like that new telescope.”
DA: “You mean the James Webb Space Telescope?” How is it he’s always more informed than me?
Me: “Yeah! That’s the one. To replace the Hubble.”
DA: “I think they’re shutting that down.”
Me: “SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!”
DA: “Dude chill.”
Me: “We’re talking about the Space Shuttle. I don’t care how old your car is, you don’t deep-six it without getting a new car. How do they get into space now?”
DA: “You bum a ride from your buddies. Space Buddies. That movie was sooo bad.”
Me: “The Russians? Not cool.”
DA: “Or the Chinese. They’re going to the moon.” He shrugged like, no-big-deal.
Me: “SHUT UP!”
DA: “And isn’t it waaay cheaper to pay our way on the Soyuz?” Sure, he capitalized that.
Me: “Well, yeah, but that’s not the point. The USA was the leader in space technologies and advancements. The USA lead the way!”
DA: “Didn’t the Russians have a space shuttle too? They killed it because it was dangerous and expensive. The Soyuz is proven safe, efficient, and affordable.”
Me: “Dude. Their shuttle was made of plywood and Elmer’s glue. Of course it was dangerous.”
DA: “And expensive.”
Me: “Well, exploring space is going to be expensive. We still need it.”
DA: “So why can’t we hitch a ride with Russians?”
Me: “BECAUSE THEY ARE RUSSIANS! Damn it! Haven’t you seen Red Dawn?”
DA: “I’m not getting up with you at 5 am anymore. You are completely unreasonable.”
Me: “And you are an asshole!”
Dammit. He always wins.