Monday, August 29, 2011

Are You A Real Man?

First of all there is something wrong with you people. What may have been the worst post I’ve written is quickly closing in on first place for the most read post on my blog.

I can’t even imagine why. People are googling it.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in blogging it’s this: When you want traffic on your blog, include zombies.

That’s it.

So anyway, I was thinking earlier today about blogging and trying to come up with ideas of what to write about. I happened to be searching for my wire cutters. I had no intention of cutting any wires. It was then it occurred to me that if a guy could find at least eleven uses for wire cutters he could qualify himself as a real man without actually having to kill anything.

So here we go. Eleven uses for wire cutters:

 1. Trimming fingernails. They work.
 2. Cutting small branches.
 3. Trimming dead vines in the garden.
 4. Trimming bushes.
 5. Boring small holes in wood.
 6. Stabbing small insects. Or anything really, those things are pointy.
 7. Opening Christmas presents. Seriously, have you ever tried to extract seven Disney princesses from a single package? Bombs are easier to disassemble.
 8. Scraping weather sealant.
 9. Door stop. Just cram that sucker into the jamb on the hinge side.
10. Wire strippers. If you’re careful, it can be done.
11. And of course, cutting wires.

So there you have it. Another well thought out eleven point list you can share with your friends. If you are a man and have done these things with wire cutters you can now count yourself as real.

Most of us think we qualify anyway.


  1. Nah, a real man would look for his tin snips for about 30 more minutes than it took to find the wire clippers. If he couldn't find 'em, the job can wait. If the tin snips are near the pop riveter, he'd spend another hour looking for something to use as a D-ring and make a sweet belt from an old bike tire. It might even be a two beer job.

  2. Adding 30 minutes to a fruitless search is already a two beer job. I recommend grabbing the wire cutters while you're still cognizant to use them.