I Don't Wanna Get Old

Today we went to our home school group park day and had a great time. There’s this park not five minutes from my house that I didn’t even know existed. Awesome playground! It has an interactive water feature. It has trails, cool playground equipment, and a pavilion with a kitchen.

Yes. It has a kitchen.

The girls had such a good time. I didn’t even think to check it out in advance to know there was a water feature, so my kids got wet in their clothes. Fine by me. Zoey met a few kids her age and they hung out together the entire time.

And then we came home.

Lunch time!

Both girls made their own peanut butter and honey sandwich! Sara is becoming quite the independent one.

So, sandwiches were made. Fruit was chosen and served. Sara opted to include a handful of Cheetos just to balance the meal.

And then it happened. Sara experienced a revelation. I don’t know what was going on in her five year old mind, but here’s the ensuing conversation.

Sara: “I don’t wanna get old.”

Me: “Me neither, but I only know one way to avoid that and I have to admit, I’m not too excited about exercising that option.” My kids are smart. They know to ignore me when I talk like that.

Sara: “No. I want to grow up, but I don’t want to get old.”

Me: “Why?”

Sara: “When you get old…” I could see the concern on her face. She put a Cheeto down. Leap of logic… and… “I don’t want to die!”

Me: *choke* “What?” I so was not ready for this.

Sara: “I’m gonna be all alone!” The tears started coming.

She then went into a hysteric gasping list of every family member she knows and how they were going to get old and die. And it wasn’t just that we were all going to die that concerned her, but that she was going to be lonely.

Me: “Sweety. That’s going to be a long time from now. You’ll be all grown up and have lots of friends. You’ll have kids too! And grandkids. You’ll be a gramma! How cool is that? You’ll never be alone!”

Sara: “I don’t wanna die!”

She was inconsolable. The tears. The sobbing. My heart was breaking.

Zoey: “This is making me sad.”

Sara: “Maybe somebody can take me to the doctor when I die…”

Ah. Now she’s looking for the cure. I’d continue with quoting her, but she was sobbing and crying and hic-coughing so much I’m not entirely sure exactly what she said. Needless to say, she drew the conclusion that by the time she got old and died, everyone she knew would already be dead and there won’t be anybody to take her to the doctor. So, now she’s going to die alone. I tried to assure her that when people get hurt or sick, there are always emergency workers and ambulances to take us to the doctor when needed. I also reminded her that she’ll never be alone!

Sara: “I wish everybody could be a ambulance.”

Let me explain this one. She took the word 'ambulance' to mean they were people that don’t die and take sick people to the doctor. I explained to her exactly what and ambulance was and did my best to reassure her that she’ll never be alone, and getting old really isn’t such a bad thing.

She wasn’t having any of that.

Sara: “I don’t want to eat any more of my sandwich.”

Me: “That’s fine, honey. You don’t have to eat it.”

Sara: “I don’t want to eat any more of my Cheetos either.”

Now it’s serious.

I assured her that I’d never let her be alone and would love her forever. The poor girl felt a little better. We canceled lessons for the day and watched cartoons while folding laundry. Sara snuggled up on me pretty much until Mom got home. 

Yeah, we didn’t do much, but I’m exhausted.