Zombies: Fast & Slow

Zombies!

Fast zombies! Slow zombies!

I've read a few articles that discussed the entertainment value of each and found that people are way too serious about discussing this topic. ^[1]

This seems to have been a topic of conversation pretty much ever since zombie movies started being made.

The first zombie movie as far as I know was White Zombie in 1936 starring none other than the famous Béla Lugosi. This movie portrayed zombies in the most traditional sense. Using a magic potion Lugosi's character, Murder Legendre ^[2], a white Haitian voodoo master, kills people, revives them as zombies, and uses them as slaves in his sugar cane mill. ^[3]

These kind of zombies are just like normal people in that they can walk, talk, and do things as any living person might with the exception that they are enthralled by the voodoo master. Soulless beings, they have no sense of self.

For The Love of Mike

Who?

I've heard this phrase a few times over the course of my life and never knew what it meant.

It's been stuck in my head for a while now and I finally got around to using this "internet thingy" to find out what it means.

I'm kind of a word nut in that I really like knowing what words and phrases mean. I mean, really mean. I know what Thing here means when he said "Oh, fer the love of Mike." He's swearing an oath. But since swearing is bad, you've got to turn the phrase.

Like when people say, "Oh for Pete's sake." They are avoiding saying the word "God". I imagined that was the reason for the Mike substitution. But who the hell is Mike?

Well, I'm gonna tell ya!

I found out that this phrase is actually between 600 and 800 years old. It was a soldier's oath. And since swearing is bad, saying the word "God" in your swear is even worse. It's one of the Big 10 ya know. So rather than risk an eternity in Hell, they started swearing to Mike. As in St. Michael, the patron saint of warriors and the Archangel that sent Satan to the hot seat.

Linguists and etymologists have a term for this. It's called a minced oath. Like when you step on a Lego in the middle of the night and feel like screaming, "Jesus Christ!" you instead bite your tongue and squeak out, "Cheese and rice!" See? You get to turn an eternity of damnation into a delightful side dish.

I learned all this by visiting Bill Casselman's website where he explained this in well written detail. I absolutely love that there are people in this world that study this stuff for my benefit. I'm not sure how long he studied in order to know this, but it only took me three minutes thanks to him.^[1]

GAAAAAHH!! Cockroach!

*shudder*

It all started with toast. Zoey wanted a toasted sandwich for lunch so I popped a couple pieces of bread in the toaster oven. As we were waiting patiently Zoey screamed and pointed.

“GAAAAAAH!! Cockroach!”^[1]

And sitting there on top of the dish towel next to the toaster oven was this big ol’ ugly cockroach.

Big. Ol’. Ugly.

It was staring at us like, “Dude! I was totally dozing off under there and BOOM! on comes the sauna. A little warning next time?”

So I grabbed the frying pan sitting on the stove and went after it like Conan the Barbarian. I wanted to hit it hard, but we had just installed granite counter tops. I was a gentle barbarian. So it skittered across the stove where I really started scaring it. It slipped beneath one of the burners and under the drip pan.

Nature Walk!

This entrance is at the back of the church parking lot.

That's right folks, it's NATURE TIME!

For a  field trip we went with one of our homeschool groups to the Edith L. Moore Nature Sanctuary. It was an ideal day too. Although we were under trees most the time, the constant cloud cover was nice too. The temperature was nominal if the humidity was not. What to do? It's Houston.

If you want to go there, there are a half dozen entrances from the surrounding neighborhoods. There isn't an actual entrance entrance. You gotta know somebody. I drove around before finally stopping to ask somebody.

Giant African Land Snails... IN HOUSTON!

And not in a "at-the-local-zoo" kind of way. Holy crap snacks folks. Here's the local broadcast from KPRC where they tell you not to touch them, and then show people holding them.



And a link to the story: LINK!

And now I totally want one...

Dinner! Bacon! Beer! Wednesday!

I'm back!

So I decided to make dinner. Well, I always make dinner, but I didn't want to tonight. So it was an active decision to do it anyway. I decided to make hamburgers. We don't have hamburger buns and I'm forbidden to go to the grocery. So they are going to be more sandwich-ish than usual. I saw a thing online some time ago where the dude made a hamburger patty, cut a hole out of the center with a glass, and then fried an egg in it. He claimed it was the best burger ever.

I also ran across a link while twittering where some lady made beer candied bacon. She obviously had some weird desire to be the most popular woman on the internet. Key words here kids are as follows:

Beer.^[1]

Candy.^[2]

Bacon.^[3]

THIS IS A THING PEOPLE.

And then I got the notion that this delicacy could quite possibly make the egg/burger even better. Hell, I got the notion it could make anything better. Eating this bacon could make Cheerios better. It could make the last Ghost Rider movie better. Well... maybe. It might even make me a better person! I dunno... It's in the oven RIGHT NOW.

Ok, while it cooks here's a link to the some lady. She's at Tide & Thyme. Here's a link to the drrrooooool.

Sorry, no links for the egg/burger thing. You'll just hafta live with the pics I make. Just know that I make no claims to credit for this fabulous idea. Unless it completely rocks my world. Then yes, it was all me.

Ok, first things first... I cooked the bacon. PICTURES!

How to Keep Your Marriage Sane

Also could be titled: How Unlimited Texting Can Save Your Marriage.

Stephanie: Can u take the girls and get the van washed, coupon expires today should be on dry erase board

Me: ok

Me: Damn, it's hot out here.

Me: Bubbles carwarsh is closed.

Me: There's a new PetCo over here.

Stephanie: Yes meant to tell u that

Notice how "Me" uses punctuation? Yeah... just pointing that out.

Me: So I drove to Katy. This one is not an Express. Even though it said it was one on google maps.

Stephanie: What? When did that happen?

Me: Well, that only took an hour and 30 miles. Still have coupon and a dirty car.

Stephanie: Lol u didn't have to go to katy we could just let it expire honey

Editor's note: Right. Yeah. Just let it expire... Right.

Me: Right.

Me: Z is signed up for soccer. Took almost as long as it did to not find an open Bubbles Carwash Express.

Stephanie: Lol good where?

It only now ocurs to me that she might have assumed I was talking about the carwash.

Me: FFPs games will be at Westside High.

Me: Eta?

It's 5:22 pm just wanna know when she's coming home. No answer. And this is what happens when I get ignored.

Me: Sara's already drunk screaming "Woo hoo! Three day weekend!" She's topless too. Zoey is doing lines on a Hello Kitty mirror. She's being safe though! No razor blade. Using a toothbrush.

Me: Dinner is animal cookies and clif bars.

Stephanie: Sweet, literally

Me: Oh. My. Glob! Strippers just showed up! Kinky. Dressed like cops.

Me: Not strippers.

Me: I started to suspect when I tried slipping a $20 into her bra. Thought it weird she was wearing a kevlar vest.

Me: Help! I'm hiding in the neighbors bushes. Shhh! Call 911! I'm being stalked by two gun toting lesbians wearing all blue. They got batman belts too!

Stephanie: Did u drink all my vodka again

Me: Z is so sweet! She just ran outside and yelled, "He went that way!" Pointing in the opposite direction of where I am.

Me: Sara just tackled and throat punched the bitch that stole my $20!

Me: I need a disguise.

Stephanie: Just emailed you one

Perfect

Me: Yes! Hurry too! I'll be the inconspicuous naked guy behind Walmart. Ignore all these conspicuous bastards.

Me: Z & S have each respectfully submitted a request for vampire teeth. Jut putting that out there.

Me: I'm sure CPS will allow them.

Me: Sweet! Pretty blue helicopters!

Stephanie: U r nuts

Me: They can't see me if I don't move. Saw that in a documentary.

Stephanie: Send the slaves out please.

And that last one meant she was home.

See? Perfectly sane interaction between married people. Married to each other, that is. I talk to married people all the time and let's face it, those conversations are boring.